Friday, February 8, 2008

Congress Tackles Miller Lite


Our nation's lawmakers, evidently completely satisfied with the direction of our foriegn, domestic, economic, and environmental policies, have turned their attention to doping in baseball and videotaping in football.


As the photo posted here indicates, there is some evidence that they will lump Miller Lite, an over-the-counter product marketed as a beer-like substance, in with other known performance enhancing drugs. Pictured here, in addition to a now empty can of Miller Lite, are the syringes and gauze used by Roger Clemens when he injected steroids and human growth hormones (which he calls "vitamins").


A confession: at one point--and consider this a youthful indescretion, kind of like our president when he took all that cocaine while establishing his chicken hawk street cred by dodging the Vietnam war--I tried Miller Lite in an attempt to improve upon my softball skills (I've long since given up that pursuit). The horrible memory is still etched in my brain. Drawing on that, I offer my tasting notes, so you don't have to.


Miller Lite is weak yellow in color with a generally balanced watery taste. Hints of dishwater are present at the front of the tongue. There's a sour aftertaste, featuring traces of urine and burnt rubber.

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