Beer Locavore, also known as "Pete", has been suspended from all alcohol consumption related activities for ten days, according to the governing body. The suspension is the result of violations alleged to have been committed by Locavore during his recent trip to Florida. The ban includes all beer, wine, whiskey, tequila, and any other liquor, sake, and beer-like substances which are commonly sold under brand names such as Miller Lite or Coors Light.
Locavore has accepted the ruling while not admitting guilt.
"I apologize for any embarrassment caused by this unfortunate situation. The circumstances were beyond my control. While the beer was free, and at the appropriate temperature, in the case of the Heineken, rather than being tempted I was merely deceived by the coozie which hid the label from viewing. In addition, I mistakenly thought that Yuengling was a local beer of Native American origin. Finally, I was told that Pabst Blue Ribbon was actually liquid vitamin B-12. I took it to help deal with a headache."
The ten day suspension will be followed by a one week probationary period. Following the probationary period, a weigh in will determine if further sanctions are in order.
Reaction to the ban was mixed, with many indicating they felt the ruling was harsh.
"He was on vacation, and the beer was free, ten days is too long." said one loyal reader, who requested anonymity.
Another reader felt quite strongly that the ruling was too lenient:
"He got off easy. He violated our trust."
Locavore vows to continue beer studies through vicarious research during the ban. He'll report here on his findings.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Yanks - Sox this weekend...with peanuts and ice cold water? Say it isn't so... These sanctions are way too harsh and could be considered somewhat inhumane. I have closely examined several photos provided by a key witness on this recent trip in Florida and did not see any conclusive evidence of these "alleged" violations. I think the Beer Locavore deserves a mulligan for his apparent temporary maxivore mentality, given the circumstances and environment which were thrusted upon him. For all you naysayers, people who drink beer in glasses shouldn't throw stones, or something like that....
Update - some disturbing photos have recently surfaced...the ten day suspension must be upheld and there is the potential of George Mitchell getting involved for a full investigation.
This is where I'm thinking that simple beer locavorism is oversimplifying the issue to pander to the electorate. What about how far the ingredients had to travel to reach the brewery?
What about a system similar to the trading of pollution credits? Shouldn't drinking fifty feet from the brew tank in a pub be worth more than drinking a product from a macro/micro-brewery eighty miles away? Couldn't it buy you some leeway -- ten or fifteen Gritty's Best Bitter drunk right at Gritty's could earn you the right to drink a Yuengling in Fla.
A twelve-pack of Shipyard drunk on Munjoy hill earns you the right to have a Dogfish 60-min here in Portland, etc...
Not to mention, doesn't drinking Heineken carry it's own penalty wherever you do it?
As is usually the case, the loyal readers raise a number of issues associated with this particular crime and punishment.
Here's another: this suspension is a form of torture. Where is Amnesty International? Dick Cheney might be comfortable with this form of reverse beerboarding but I can't believe anyone else in a civilized society is.
I spent Friday chaperoning Amnesty International's Get on the Bus day of action in NYC. I think the events were planned far in advance, so there was no pro-locavore protest.
So here's a chant for ya:
"One Two Three Four, Let Beer Locavore Drink once more!"
Or how about, "It's not a crime to drink bad beer!"
Post a Comment